Paul Newman and a Ride Home

We went to court and it went over just fine. The judge was very fair and listened to both sides of the story. I spoke mostly for our perspective because I knew Pony would screw up someway or another. I told him to keep quiet unless he was spoken too. I wasn't worried that he would lie or anything- but knowing Ponyboy; he wouldn't be the best person to have in a serious environment. The judge didn't talk to him much at all. He was asked to answer a few questions such as, if he liked living with me, if he liked school and what kind of grades he made.

Other than Soda Pony and I, only Randy, his parents, Cherry Valance, her parents, and a couple of assorted Socs who had jumped Johnny and my kid brother the night of the stabbing, there weren;t many people there. They each spoke before us, I wasn't bothered by it. It gave me more time to think about everything that I was going to mention when I was called upon to speak my word. Pony said after the hearing that they said nothing but the truth, that made me happy.

Ponyboy's teacher said that he was failing english and I got on his case. I started yelling and he started to yell back. It eventually erupted to them point where Soda ran out of the house. He was already upset because Sandy cheated on him, got pregnant and moved to Florida.

So Ponyboy and I eventually caught up with him and we started to talk things over. He said that I should ease up on Pony about his grades and he should realise how much I sacrifised for him. He's right both ways.

And so I got to bed with a whole feeling inside.

Mr. Super Tuff

Pony was in bed the rest of the week. I wouldn't let anything interfere with his recovery. Boy- did he ever complain a lot. It was starting to get really annoying, but then he'd get so exhausted that he'd fall right back to sleep in the middle of a sentence.

One strange thing happened during his time locked in his room. A Soc named Randy came by to see him. I didn't know if Ponyboy wanted any visitors so I peeked my head in his door and asked him. I guess I sounded a bit weary of the idea of a Social in my house- but Pony was fine with him to come in. I left them alone for the next ten minutes.

I tried to clean up the house. It's run-down looking, and the insides kinda poor looking too. I do the most cleaning in the house. Although I assigned my two kid-brothers to various chores, the system doesn't work that well.

Eventually Randy left, without a goodbye.

I'm guessing that they were talking about court in few days from now.

Hopefully- nothing will affect us.

Hopefully.

Sweat Streamed Down His Face

Ponyboy came home and he looked spaced out. He was bleeding from the head a bit and had hardly any colour about him at all. I asked him what was wrong- but I knew already. He looked at me with panic-stricken eyes and said that Johnny had died. It wasn't a big surprise to me. All of us knew it was bound to happen one time or another. I'm not saying that we weren't upset about it though. Johnny was one of us; he was a great friend. Two-Bit was real upset and Soda even let a few tears slip. I however wanted to be strong for the gang, so I kept my cool and questioned him how it went down.

From what I gathered, nothing dramatic happened on how he died. Johnny was talking to Dallas and Pony and he ran out of energy.

Dally didn't handle it well. He was pounding on the hospital walls; and telling Ponyboy that the whole circumstance was his fault. Eventually he fled the building and left my kid brother to find his own way home. I'm, actually not sure how he got back to us- he never said anything about it. But it was just a step out of the door to understand what happened.

Suddenly, the phone rang and I felt obliged to pick it up as everyone was still in a state of shock. It was Dallas and he sounded bitter and in a rush, what he said was this-

"Eugh- Darry, I'm done. I just robbed a grocery store and the fuzz is after me. I don't have much time so meet me at the empty lot right now- I'm on a pay phone about two blocks away. See you there." And hung up.

I turned to four worried, worn out faces and told them what was going on. We were out the door and off the front lawn within seconds. The lot of us sprinted down the cold roads down to where this whole venture began. The lot had a eerie feeling going about it. I don't know whether it was just my nerves or what- but I got the creeps.

Out of the blue- I saw Dallas' silhouette bounding down the cracked cement of Scott Street. But he stopped running under a street light. It all happened very quickly then. Minute after minute. The cops surrounded him- and he took out his gun. Before any of us could react- you could only hear shots in the air. And Dallas Winston was dead before he hit the ground.

I was about to follow Steve and Two-Bit over to him but Pony had collapsed onto the ground.

He was in bed since Saturday night. He had a concussion, and was in shock the entire time of the rumble. I knew I shouldn’t of let him participate in the fight! I don’t know where my common sense flew to. I mean- he was lucky out there that he didn’t get pounded on harder. The kid has no way of knowing what’s good for him. He already wasn’t feeling well when we got to the fight.

But the point is that he woke up today- and he looked thin. His face was sucked in and he was weak. Soda was about to jump on him and tussle around a bit; I grabbed him in mid-air and made sure he understood that Pony wasn’t in any shape to be playing around with. Sodapop then gently climbed on the bed and we had a conversation about how Ponyboy was yelling for people when in bed. Dad, Mom, Soda. But hardly ever me. He hardly even screamed my name. And every time he did it sounded angry. I need to begin a better relationship with him. I’m positive that there’s in still a tendency between us- and honestly, I don’t like it. He should have relatives to go to when there is something that is bothering him. A person who he feels comfortable sharing personal stuff with.

And now I’m really worried because we have to go to court. I can’t imagine living without my kid-brothers. Making cake for them, joking around, talking bad about Socials with them.

I went into the kitchen to make Pony soup because he said he was hungry- but by the time I got back Soda and him were out cold.

They Know What'd Happen If They Did

Around six-thirty, Ponyboy arrived back home for dinner. I had just finished making supper;two baked chickens, potatoes, and corn for the three of us. We eat like horses; so that would usually be gone in five minutes, but tonight there was something a little off about Pony. He looked sick- and a tiny bit pale. It started me thinking how it might not be a good idea for him to partake in the rumble with the Socs. I trusted that he was okay when he felt fine and normal- but the way he looked, it made me a tad uneasy about what might be coming.

So the remainder of our 'gang' eventually arrived at our house; Two-Bit and Steve. They had to busy themselves because we were still getting ready by taking showers, using way more hair gel than necessary, and putting on nice clothes. For every rumble you have to look sharp. It's sort of a rule. Thus, I put on a nice pair of jeans and a tight black shirt to look real swank for the fight. I was in a tuff mood until Soda had to blurt out that I was wearing the shirt to show off my muscles. Which; is true- but I would never tell him that. So I bluffed him off by saying- "I'm gonna show'em off on you, little buddy, if you get any mouthier."

I am so cool.

I tried to convince Ponyboy that he should not fight- but he kept insisting that it would be different if we were using objects- but this match was just skins. Nothing but fists and strengt. I let him come with us, but I was worried because the majority of the Socials are big guys.

Anyway we were heading to the rumble- which was placed for 7:00, when we see the other greasers from various parts of town. Tim Shepard's gang was there, and the Brumly outfit. Tim's brother, Curly was in the reformatory again. Every time he talks about it seems as though he's proud of his brother going to a school for little criminals. It makes me sick. I'm out there busting my butt to make sure everything is in line with my family, and he's letting his brother be a villain.

The Socs came in five cars and had a snooty look about them from the time they came from their fancy autos, to the empty lot. It was 22 against 20 so were were fairly even. I was the biggest so I knew that I had to start it.

With one quick movement it all came into play. I had to guys on me- left and right. Boy- do those guys know how to fight! I kept looking at Ponyboy; he was lying on the ground with a Soc on top of him. I would've felt useless as I couldn't go over to him and beat that Social to a bloody pulp but- faintly, I could see Dally kicking at him- so I knew that he wouldn't let anything too drastic happen to Pony.

Suddenly, they all started running away and I knew that we had won. I was overjoyed and showing off my emotion- until I saw Dallas and Ponyboy running off. I had a hunch where they were heading off to- but I still wasn't sure how well Pony was feeling.

So now I'm at home and waiting for his arrival.

He Kept His Razor Sharp.

As far as I know Pony and Two-Bit went to see Johnny in the hospital and didn't go over so well.

The two of them weren't welcome in the first place- so I think they felt as though they were intruding Johnny's privacy. They were about to leave when one of the nurses came in to notify Johnnycakes that his maw was there to see him. Of course- he didn't want her to come in because she's an old bat that treats him like dirt. She wanted to see him real bad and kept yelling that she had a right to see him as it is her child. Which, don't get me wrong, is true but with all the times that she has abused him; I think it's his decision.

Pony and him really had to go when Johnnycakes got so mad that he past out cold on his bed. I wonder how they're going to take it when Johnny's not going to be here. I mean- I'm preparing myself for the inevitable, but Ponyboy daydreams. And I bet that he's in denial over the whole hardship.

Dallas was fine when they went in to check up on him. Yelling at the nurses, getting up out of bed, walking around and cracking jokes. Seemingly, he was worried that he broke Pony's neck when he hit'em to get the flames out. I'm glad he did to. Ponyboy could've been in as bad condition as Johnny if things went down differently.

I however was at work. Shingling is hard work when it's smoldering hot out. It was very boring and frustrating. The man who's house were doing the job for was being jerk. Didn't even give us a beer for a day of work. Sometimes people can be so selfish and greedy. It gets on my nerves more now, than any other time in my life.

I got to go. Preparing for the rumble tonight. It's going to be great. Just skins. That was the deal.

I Wasn't Feeling Good in the First Place- Kind of Sick Really.

Something drastic happened.

Apparently Ponyboy and Johnny were hiding out from the fuzz at the old, wooden, broken down church- and it burnt down. Dallas had taken them out for a bite to eat at Dairy Queen because they looked as though they were about to collapse they were so skinny. Clearly- when they were driving back to the building to hang out, they told that it was in a uproar of flames. Many people were gawking at it- as it was a historic old place and they couldn't believe that the time had come where it was being destroyed.

Of course- Pony and Johnny ran out like madmen to see what was the reason that it was on fire; but Dallas wanted to get the heck out of that scene. I don't blame him. So they sprinted to the crowd and discovered that there were a group of children inside- unable to get out. Obviously, they had to jump right into the BURNING building and save the youngsters. Ponyboy got out okay- the doctors said that he got some minor burns- but other than that, he was going to be just fine. Dallas can live through anything. Boy is he ever a tough guy.

But Johnny is a different story all together.

He's in critical condition because a piece of burning timer fell onto him back. He was in severe shock and suffering from third degree burns. They are doing everything they can to help lessen the suffering he should be experiencing- but since his back is broken- he can't even feel the pain below his waist. To be serious- I don't think he's going to make it. It would be different if it was someone like Steve, Dally or I- but Johnny so fragile. And I hardly have any hope left.

Sodapop and I went to the hospital to see Pony. There was no doubt that he was overjoyed to see us. He flung himself into my arms and started to bawl. I couldn't help but get teary eyed too. There's no way that I'm never letting go of him again. There's no way. I couldn't take it. There was an abundant amount of reporters there to interview Pony, but I tried to tell them firmly that he had been through too much to be swarmed with strangers. Soda lightened the mood by teasing them. He was grabbing their supplies and wandering through the halls imitating them.

We stayed there for quite a long time until I couldn't stand it- and we had to go home. Pony was so tired that I had to carry him into the house from the Ford pickup. He slept like a baby. In the morning- I had the gut feeling that I had to stay with Ponyboy after that long ordeal, but Two-Bit promised he'd take good care of him. I warned Pony- 'If you smoke more than a pack I'll skin you,'- and I meant it. He's in no condition to be smoking and staying out late like always. You wouldn't believe how skinny he was when I saw him at first. He eats like a horse and I bet Dallas only gave them enough money for one of them to eat well.

But that doesn't matter now- I can fill'em up with our favourites- chocolate milk and chocolate cake. Chocolate will fatten up enough for the big fight between the Socs and the Greasers.

You Could Hear Someone Yelling.

I just started thinking the other day that maybe Ponyboy and Johnny didn't actually kill the Social just for the fun of it. Maybe it was for something like revenge or self-defence- because I don't think that they have the guts or such a black heart to. I could never do it- and I'm tougher than Pony and Johnny put together. And if the thought of them doing it 'under gun point' you could say- is what's helping Sodapop get through all of this- than it's better than nothing.

But today I looked at through another perspective.

Johnny has been though so much in his life- even a percentage of it is something that no one should be forced to go through in their entire life. His parents don't care for him- always putting him down and kicking him out of the house. He's always sleeping on our couch or in the empty lots on warm nights. And with all of these unfortunate memories- comes a lot of hard, cold emotions. He's very quiet and he has such dark eyes as you'd never see in the toughest jailbirds. He has a nervous, suspicious look in his eyes, and they never have any feeling in them.

What if he had enough with the Socs- and went away with it all with one swift movement?

And so now I'm trapped in between two choices. Pondering whether they are guilty of first degree murder- or they didn't kill him under their own will.

Soda and I are trying to regain our normal life patterns and waiting for Pony to come back when it's the appropriate time. Being patient is the key- but just because we miss him so much, Soda sent him a letter a few days ago. I read it, and it mainly talked about how he couldn't believe that Johnny could kill somebody, how he wanted for them to turn themselves in and how they were famous in the newspapers.

Big articles everyday on how the fuzz trying to find them and how they have no idea where they are. They're thick. No question about it.

So anyway, gotta run cause Soda wants his chocolate cake.

Think about it.

I can't stop thinking about Ponyboy... it's all starting to sink in that I may never see him again, and there's a shadow over my head telling me that it's my fault in the first place! He killed a man with Johnny and I don't know what to do. Apparently they hitched onto a train and headed for the country. I was wondering how they'll survive with no money- but it finally clicked in that they must have got a good amount of cash from Dallas. He knows what to do in these situations. I'm in way over my head because I still have to act like nothing's happening with the guys- but deep down I don't know how long I'm going to be able to control my emotions. It's so overwhelming... I mean it's my kid brother, and there's no greaser like him.

Maybe one day we'll be able to see eye to eye on the whole thing with Mom and Dad. I think he appreciates that I sacrifced the thing I'm best at just to support this torn family. But non-the-less, he thinks that I'm being hosile to him because I don't care for him, but that isn't the reason at all. I have to be strong for both Soda and him- and it's tough to show how you really feel.

Everything seemed so much easier when my parents were alive. We had a stable home, people who took care of us, and I had a future. Football. The greatest sport known to man. But once they had to 'leave' I had to take the wheel and sew the remainder of the Curtis group together- and keeping it from breaking apart again. It's a lot of work for just one person- so Sodapop quit school and picked up shifts at a gasoline station with his best bud Steve. I didn't support him not being schooled, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

I didn't want Pony to stop with his normal routine of getting acedmeic help as he was too young at the time, and he has the brains in the family. He gets marks for assignments like you wouldn't believe.

Anyway- I'm getting to sad as I write this so I better finish while I'm ahead.

Two Blocks Square

Aw jeez, I hit Pony. I- his own flesh and blood- hit him. Right across the face. He drives me to the point of insanity sometimes- but you have to control it for your family. He's only fouteen and who knows where his mind is. I overreacted. The only way that we are allowed to stay together in one home, without parental supervision, is that we keep in line with the law. His he hardly ever comes home later than his curfew-midnight, so I should have cut him some slack.

And now I might never see him again. I couldn't believe that i had done what I did. It must have hurt because he just looked at me- his eyes all watery, and bolted out the door... just started running down the street. I began to yell after him with Soda but it did no good. His emotions took the best of him.

Sometimes I think that he should go to a boy's home, for at least a little while. To clam down and fully get over mom and dad dying. It would be good for him. He's a great kid at heart- he's worthy of a stable home- with a friendly bunch of people surrounding him. No matter how hard I try- I'm never going to replace his parents. He deserves better- like all of us do.

Soda has got everything going for him- he's got looks, brains... but he just doesn't realise it. And Ponyboy- from those good grades coming from school- he has to be quick-witted. But he never uses common sense in the situations that he needs it.

I need time to recouperate from this whole predicament and get some sleep......